My first love was my high school love. In order to protect her privacy and family, I shall refer to her as CC. The Vietnam War caused us to be separated for two years. I was drafted into the military. During this time, since we weren’t engaged, we dated other people. Although, when I was discharged CC was waiting for me, but I had a chip on my shoulders due to CC’s prior relationships. As a result, CC and I broke up, and I felt that I had preserved my manhood and honor.
After the break up I realized that I loved her more than what I thought. You know, you don’t miss your water until the well goes dry. I began to feel superego dead. I had to drop out of college for a semester because I couldn’t concentrate. Every time that I began to study I saw CC walking toward me in the nude, and she was very beautiful naturally. I continued to think that I had held the right position with the CC situation.
I met another beautiful women, and we married. We had one beautiful daughter in whom I would die to save her happiness. Every so often, I felt the pain of losing CC, but I was happy with my wife who I felt was one of the sexiest women on the planet.
Unfortunately, the proverbial storm of life hit me hard and fast as we neared America’s bicentennial birthday. I was castrated; robbed of my livelihood, and faced continual negative orchestrations upon my person; denying me of any successful career or happy life. The storm was deliberately caused, and this hurt me more than the actual experiences.
After years of painful experiences, I became numb to bad things hurting me like a rock. Although when stress peaked, I lost my ability to taste salt; it tasted like sugar. I think that I was subjected to the highest level of stress every dispensed in America; it was killing me. Ailments and diseases were lined up to effect my health. I was continually sick and in pain.
One night in my small apartment, I gave up the ghost. I said God I now know the devil and he is never going to do anything good; so, knowing that I don’t deserve you blessings, I want to be your slave just because you are good. Things didn’t right away get better; they got worst!
I continued to talk to the Lord. Every thought or act that I did which I thought was bad, I apologized to God. I quickly ran through my major sins, repenting for each to the Lord. Then, the Lord brought to mind CC. I quickly apologized about my arrogance, self pride, and selfishness in regards to CC. The Lord brought to my mind that I was so dumb until I listened to the devil who knows no love. This left me in a fetal position on the floor.
I had one plus remaining, and that was I returned from the war a well learned man. During the next three weeks each time I returned to my apartment I talked to the Lord. I wanted to come to a conclusion with the Lord. It wasn’t happening. I could not appease the Lord when it came to CC. We had arrived at I gave you CC as a love; not the devil. You didn’t even know me, and listened to the devil concerning CC. And, finally the kicker came; you knew nothing when you returned from the war because you knew God not. I was ready to concede. I agreed, and immediately felt all worth drain from my mind and body. The Lord kept bringing to my mind that He gave me CC because it was love, and love comes only from God, my Father.
A few days passed, and I began to feel a lift as yeast raises bread. I felt a lift from the pit of hell where I had been. As things became better in the name of the Lord Jesus, I asked the Lord, why are you helping a slave. He said plain as day, you choose me so I choose you. I thought now I know you Lord, and you don’t have to be a rocket science to know your noble ways. Jesus is love.
I had known the scripture, God is love, since being a little boy, and still didn’t know the supreme nature of love. All material possessions are awaiting to be shared with a love. God is more concerned about love than sin.
*** Will Myers
1 John 4:8; “He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.”